Be kind

I recently read a moving account of Ludwig Wittgenstein in a memoir authored by his student and close friend, Norman Malcom

The author narrated an incident that warmed my heart:

“Human kindness, human concern, was for him a far more important attribute in a person than intellectual power or cultivated taste. He related with pleasure an incident that happened to him in Wales. He had taken lodgings in the home of a preacher. The first time that Wittgenstein presented himself at this house the lady of the house had inquired of Wittgenstein whether he would like tea, and whether he would also like this and that other thing. Her husband called to her from another room: ‘Do not ask; give!’”

No other short phrase have I come across recently that highlights concern for human kindness better. “Do not ask; give!” It warms my heart. 

Since I work in tech, the above made me think about how people are being treated in the tech world, especially in these economically turbulent times. In the tech world you come across many that are kind to you and show you empathy. But you also come across unbridled ego and thoughtless ambition. Sometimes those with power, intellectual or organizational, seem to draw from wells that have everything but kindness. 

It’s true that these are not the best of times; economies are under stress. It’s also true that when times are hard you have to make tough business decisions. When making tough decisions there are some that show grace but then there are also some that show no grace and no concern. Any severe business decision can disrupt people’s lives but at least some grace and some concern make it hurt less. No scale of utilitarianism can justify rudeness in a business’ decision making. 

As you grow old and move through different phases of life, you realize what matters for people you interact with is your kindness, not your money, and not your power. And in the end, what you remember fondly is not how powerful or rude someone is but how kind that person is to you and your colleagues. Reasonably smart people who were kind to me have been a bigger inspiration than supremely competent jerks. 

be kind

We all are trying to sail through turbulent times. Cruelty doesn’t help when you’re in difficulty, kindness does. Cruelty throws you in a dark pit, and if you’re already in a dark pit it kicks you harder, but kindness gives you support and helps you move towards the bright light. 

But is it always easy to be kind?

Well, it’s not easy when you’re having a rough day, as I can tell from many personal experiences. There are days when I’m not at my best and I then think I need to aim high; that is, to be kind even when things don’t look right. Or even aim higher: to be kind even when life is nasty, because when it’s nasty then kindness is most important. 

But what if no amount of kindness stops someone from treating you badly? What to do then? Shouldn’t one stop being kind at some point? Yes, there are times when you have to right a wrong, when you have to stand up to brutality. But then, when you think of someone like Nelson Mandela, you’re left in awe. What a life. He sought no revenge even after being jailed for 27 years and after suffering severest brutality. No small act. What a heart. 

To be kind is what one should aspire to. We shouldn’t be kind to others to achieve our aims, instead, our aim should be to just be kind.